An In-House Perk: Uncloseted Parenting

Unless you have been living under a rock or have better things to do than partake in spilled tea about lawyers behaving badly, then you have no doubt heard of how one male law firm lawyer recently texted his female colleague, blasting her for leaving the firm, after returning from maternity leave.

Gossip aside, the text brought awareness and inspired much needed discussion about the toxic culture of some law firms, whether against parental leave, or parents in general. While not all law firms are toxic, and conversely, I couldn’t possibly say that all in-house experiences are better, I can absolutely disclose how grateful I am that my in-house experience has been exceptional.

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Certainly, experiences will differ based on size of company and legal department, company culture and leadership, among other factors — but if I had to paint with a broad brush and base my opinion on an unscientific survey of my in-house network, I think the consensus would be that taking parental leave and being a parent aren’t perceived as negatively as within a law firm.

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Personally, although I previously worked at a progressive law firm with more leave than the company I currently work for, taking leave and being a parent was still stressful by comparison to my experience in-house. When I took leave to have my first child, I worried about whether my small book of clients would be taken care of. I worried about whether my partners would continue to perceive me as available and engaged and would continue to give me work. I worried that my inability to work late in the office would count against me and make me less desirable for partnership. And while I will certainly own that these were my internal worries, and no one said anything to cause me to be worried, I also did not have anyone reassure me either.

By contrast, I had two children in corporate America, and both times, my leader and team were enthusiastically, and not just obligatorily, supportive. When I started to launch into a conversation about coverage right after disclosing my pregnancy, my associate general counsel stopped me — assured me that we have plenty of time to talk about those things — and instead, asked that I let her know if there was anything she and the team could do to support a healthy pregnancy. With the most recent baby, I was, blissfully, completely cut off from computer systems and email (which further eliminated any expectation of work).

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The contrast doesn’t just stop at leave. Just recently, I took the Friday before the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday to take my oldest daughter to L.A. for our first Mommy-Daughter trip, and I took the Tuesday after the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday to celebrate my 1-year-old’s birthday by spending the day with her. At a firm, I would worry that I was taking too much time off, especially on the heels of returning from the winter holidays, and there would have been billables to make up. But in-house, my amazing colleagues covered me, and I only had two calls and a handful of emails that I chose to respond to.

I share all this to say, to those who are in-house curious and wonder what perks there may be, especially when there is often a pay cut in going in-house, being able to bring your whole self to work — including the fact that you are parents — and not having to expend energy “covering” is priceless.

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Meyling “Mey” Ly Ortiz is in-house at Toyota Motor North America. Her passions include mentoring, championing belonging, and a personal blog: TheMeybe.com. At home, you can find her doing her best to be a “fun” mom to a toddler and preschooler and chasing her best self on her Peloton. You can follow her on LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/in/meybe/). And you knew this was coming: her opinions are hers alone.

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In-House Counsel, Meyling "Mey" Ly Ortiz, Parenting, Work-life balance