Clarence Thomas Clerks Defend Boss With Worst Letter This Side Of Your Middle School Poetry

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Over 100 former clerks for Clarence Thomas have signed on to an open letter “unequivocally reject[ing] attacks on his integrity, his character, or his ethics.” It does not so much explain why taking half a million in vacations, or private school tuition, or cash under the table delivered to his wife, or an RV or all the other stuff without disclosing it as required by federal law and which he knew was required under federal law at least as late as 2012… but they’re unequivocally rejecting anyone asking about it anyway.

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Who is the worst person to sign this letter? Soon-to-be disbarred and possibly incarcerated John Eastman is on there. So is edgelord Judge James Ho. Laura Ingraham makes an appearance fresh off her network paying $785 million to settle the mess her cronies made. Unqualified judges and torture enthusiasts… it’s like the end of Goodbye Mr. Chips set at Slytherin.

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Also… did the federal judges on here know that they were going to be publicly signing their name next to John Eastman in 2023?

But that’s not the real story. Of course his clerks were going to defend him with a bunch of disingenuous handwaving! Some of them already had.

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No, the real story is the atrociously poor writing on display in this letter. There are a lot of high profile lawyers on this list… which one of them wrote this? This question will haunt me for years.

On the U.S. Supreme Court is a Justice descended from West African slaves and born to a young mother, not more than 20, in segregated Georgia. Home was Pin Point, among the Gullah-Geechee and oysters and marshlands. His father left. And a fire took all he had and the shack where he lived.

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Oh my God, who is it?!?!?!? This is a bad high school literary magazine submission. These yo-yos are going to stick with the “unnamed protagonist” conceit for a whopping six more paragraphs.

He chose the seminary to finish school, set on becoming a priest. He was at times the only black seminarian among a sea of white faces. Then came 1968. King was assassinated. Then Kennedy. It transformed him. He left behind hopes of the priesthood. He found Black Power. He wrote about revolution. He protested.

Ernest Hemingway called and gave you permission to write five word sentences. Someone typed “He protested” and nodded to themselves that they’d finally penned the modern John 11:35.

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And then a whole bunch of people signed it.

This is the story of Justice Clarence Thomas. It is a story that should be told in every American classroom, at every American kitchen table, in every anthology of American dreams realized.

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Did they use ChatGPT? Because I think ChatGPT could do better.

He is a man of unwavering principle. He welcomes the lone dissent. He is also a man of great humor and warmth and generosity. Walk the halls, and you’ll hear his laugh. Call, and he answers.

“Call, and he answers.” GLORIOUS!

Lately, the stories have questioned his integrity and his ethics for the friends he keeps. They bury the lede. These friends are not parties before him as a Justice of the Court.

Putting aside that not being the named party may not obviate the interests folks had on the outcome of pending matters, that’s why we make government officials disclose this stuff. The whole “if you’re innocent, you have nothing to hide” line may not pass Fourth Amendment muster, but for public servants it’s a pretty solid rule. Thomas was required — as all the justices were — not to be taking hordes of cash on the side without letting us all know. Why did he hide these gifts if he thought there was no ethical problem? Well… let’s just say that Occam’s Razor is undefeated.

And these stories are malicious, perpetuating the ugly assumption that the Justice cannot think for himself.

“Look, it can’t be corrupt because he was planning to reverse-engineer an opinion to their liking anyway” is not the airtight defense the authors imagine.

His integrity is unimpeachable.

No, the Constitution is pretty clear that it’s impeachable.

Was there some sort of deadline for this letter? Couldn’t one of the better writers on this list — and they exist — have intervened and said they’d take a spin at drafting something that didn’t sound so juvenile? So many questions!

Thomas Letter

Over 100 former clerks of Justice Thomas sign open letter defending his integrity, independence [Fox News]

Earlier: Clarence Thomas Has More Billionaire Friends That Lavish Him With Expensive Gifts Than We Previously Thought
Clarence Thomas RV Financed By Rich Health Care Executive In Least Shocking Development Ever
Harlan Crow’s Lawyers Tell Senate They’re Going To Take Their Chances With Contempt
Clarence Thomas Skated On Ethics Complaints In 2012… Meaning He Definitely Already Knew The Rules
That Perfectly Innocent Way One Funnels Money To The Spouse Of A Supreme Court Justice While Trying To Avoid A Paper Trail
It’s Going To Be A Lot Harder For Clarence Thomas To Justify The Most Recent Ethics Scandal
Judge Ho Blows Off Clarence Thomas Taking $500K In Vacations Because Some Other Judges Own Stocks So… You Know… Something Something.

Joe Patrice is a senior editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news. Joe also serves as a Managing Director at RPN Executive Search.

Topics

Clarence Thomas, Courts, James Ho, John Eastman, John Yoo, Kathryn Mizelle, Laura Ingraham, Legal Ethics, Supreme Court