Judge Creates New Constitutional Right For Crybaby Navy SEALs

There are roughly 2,500 Navy SEALs on active duty and the Pentagon has a vested interest in guaranteeing that they’re ready to go at a moment’s notice. To that end, the Department of Defense instituted a vaccine mandate to keep its forces at the ready. It’s hard to take out Osama bin Laden when you’re wheezing in a hospital bed.

And the impact of going down with a preventable illness really can’t be oversold. Units like these depend on team cohesion. Everyone relies on everyone else to do their job and losing one cog disrupts the whole well-oiled machine.

But when 35 of those 2,500 sailors — or around 1.5 percent — weighed the prospect of getting the COVID vaccination against the privilege of serving in an elite unit, they decided to whine to the federal courts seeking an order to protect them from following orders.

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And Judge Reed O’Connor gave them their binky of an order in a goofy, rambling opinion that tosses decades of precedent to keep these guys from their rendezvous with an owie.

Our nation asks the men and women in our military to serve, suffer, and sacrifice. But we do not ask them to lay aside their citizenry and give up the very rights they have sworn to protect. Every president since the signing of the Religious Freedom Restoration Act has praised the men and women of the military for their bravery and service in protecting the freedoms this country guarantees.

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Fact check: actually, we do. All the time.

For comedic effect, try reading the “likely to succeed on the merits” section and sift through the citations to Hobby Lobby and BST Holdings to find any relevant caselaw supporting this First Amendment claim about the armed forces. The reason you’ll struggle to find any is that — as even a cursory Westlaw search would reveal — it doesn’t exist.

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In 1986, #SCOTUS held in Goldman v. Weinberger that it didn’t violate the First Amendment for the Air Force to prohibit a Jewish officer from wearing a yarmulke while on duty — because of the special deference owed to the military:https://t.co/N0g5L65x7O

Judge O’Connor: “Meh.” https://t.co/YnK7Q5cuRP

— Steve Vladeck (@steve_vladeck) January 4, 2022

And, let’s be clear, wearing a yarmulke has no impact on force readiness so consider how supercharged the deference argument is when what they’re asking for is the right to get a debilitating respiratory disease for a couple weeks.

The First Amendment recognizes an exemption from military service for conscientious objectors. Judge O’Connor’s opinion suggests that the federal government must allow religious pacifists to continue to serve in whatever elite unit they want — willingness to perform their duties be damned. It’s a laughably reckless opinion.

Honestly, it’s hard to imagine even the Fifth Circuit rubber-stamping this one, but if there’s one appellate court willing to lower the bar ever further, it’s that one.

To be clear, this has nothing to do with religion despite the crocodile tears of “SEAL Team January Six” here. Some of these objectors say this is a question of their Catholic faith and, as we’ve noted before, the Catholic Church has a got a guy for that and he says “get vaccinated.” The Eastern Orthodox Church — whether it’s Greek or Russian — has also told their faithful that there’s nothing wrong with the vaccine. The Russian Church went so far as to brand anti-vaxxers as sinners who must repent, which is the sort of on-brand hardcore Russian response we all need.

Nonetheless, Judge O’Connor uncritically accepts the idea that these folks all know their faith better than the people actually designated by those faiths to answer questions of faith. And so he lets these guys hang their anti-vaxxer hat on the dubious claim that they can’t possibly partake of any medication derived from fetal cell lines, even though they almost certainly got the MMR vaccine as babies.

Put aside the MMR vaccine… do people realize how many drugs fall under this contrived “fetal tissue” excuse? “Acetaminophen, albuterol, aspirin, ibuprofen, Tylenol, Pepto Bismol, Tums, Lipitor, Senokot, Motrin, Maalox, Ex-Lax, Benadryl, Sudafed, Preparation H, Claritin, Prilosec, and Zoloft”… all of these would be forbidden under this “deeply held religious belief.” Has anyone asked if any of these assholes have ever taken Tylenol?

Some objectors also cited “belief that modifying one’s body is an afront to the Creator,” which I hope includes a “do not set my fractures” medic alert bracelet; “direct, divine instruction not to receive the vaccine,” an issue that raises more serious psych evaluation concerns; and “opposition to injecting trace amounts of animal cells into one’s body” suggesting that the entire population of the planet that eradicated small pox is languishing in hell right now.

There’s no serious religious complaint to the COVID vaccine, just selfish pricks willing to exploit their own religions to get out of a vaccine that they’ve decided they don’t want based on politics and misinformation. It used to be you had to get stoned to death to be a martyr, now you just have to be politely asked to leave your unit.

Get over yourselves. Either follow orders or walk away. The other 2,465 Navy SEALs ready to do what it takes have got us covered.

As for Judge O’Connor, he should probably walk away as well. Unfortunately, the judiciary doesn’t have any consequences for failing to follow precedent.

Joe Patrice is a senior editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news. Joe also serves as a Managing Director at RPN Executive Search.

Topics

Courts, COVID-19, Department of Defense, First Amendment, Navy, Reed O'Connor