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This, but like, flat and potentially healthier

Philosophers since antiquity have had lively discussions about identity, representation, and reality. Sophists had their fun too, arguing on behalf of the highest bidder. Though they go by lawyers now, the sophists have upheld their tradition of arguing any and everything — and I don’t blame them. The recent reason to wield words? Pop-Tarts. No really:

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The complaint, notes FOX5, was originally filed in U.S. District Court for the Southern District of Illinois, East St. Louis. In her complaint, plaintiff Kelvin Brown said that Kellogg’s advertising “give[s] consumers the impression that the fruit filling contains a greater relative and absolute amount of strawberries than it does.” Brown suggested that consumers might purchase strawberry-flavored Pop-Tarts because strawberries have “one of the highest levels of nutrient density of all fruits,” and are an “’excellent source of vitamin C,’ needed for immune and skin health.” The lawsuit observes that, while the product is marketed at “Frosted Strawberry Toaster Pastries,” “its filling contains a relatively significant amount of nonstrawberry fruit ingredients—pears and apples—shown on the ingredients list.”

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Actually going to court over if Strawberry Pop-Tarts are misleading would be too rich for me to pass up too. The judge threw the case out, and rightly so. This case is top-tier goofy. That said, were I sitting at the bench I would have let the trial play out just so I could gauge counsel’s deadpan. A well-known JD advantage gig is standup — when else would I get the opportunity to tell a person to quit their day job with both a verdict for opposing counsel and a Mapquest print out of the nearest comedy clubs? Do people still use Mapquest? If so, they probably also eat Strawberry Pop-Tarts for their nutritional value.

Manhattan Judge Tosses Strawberry Pop-Tarts Lawsuit [Legal Reader]

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Chris Williams became a social media manager and assistant editor for Above the Law in June 2021. Prior to joining the staff, he moonlighted as a minor Memelord™ in the Facebook group Law School Memes for Edgy T14s.  He endured Missouri long enough to graduate from Washington University in St. Louis School of Law. He is a former boatbuilder who cannot swim, a published author on critical race theory, philosophy, and humor, and has a love for cycling that occasionally annoys his peers. You can reach him by email at [email protected] and by tweet at @WritesForRent.

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Courts, Food, Kellogg's, Nutrition Facts, Philosophy in weird places, Pop-Tarts