// Honey, can you hang up my coat?

The team is working on a process for that.

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Huh?

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You’ll need to complete a form, and then we’ll be able to start work on your coat.

The closet’s over there in the hallway.

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We have to socialize this idea. If anyone in senior management doesn’t know about the coat-hanging process, they’ll be very upset. We’re scheduling individual phone calls with everyone in senior management to let them know we’re starting this project.

Just take the damn coat.

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It’s hard to schedule those calls. The folks in senior management are very busy; their calendars are back-to-back. And then there are all the different time zones.  It’s also vacation time of year. We’ll probably have socialized this with everyone by the end of the month. Then we’ll start actually designing the process. There’s no reason to start work on the project until we know that everyone approves of it.

How long will that take?

Probably a while. And, of course, we’ll have to beta test the process before we implement it on your coat.

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Screw you.

I’m thinking we’ll be nearing completion in Q4 or Q1, assuming there aren’t any delays.

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I want a divorce.

The team is drawing up a Gantt chart. Once the chart is ready, we’ll have a better sense of how long it will take to design the process. I’m just spitballing here, but I really think Q4 or Q1 is a good guess. Unless they cancel funding for the project.  If they cancel funding, then all bets are off.

What divorce lawyer will you use?

We have to level-set before we operationalize. Maybe we should hire a consultant.

I’ve packed your suitcase. I don’t want you in the house anymore.

I’m not leaving! You leave! Here — let me get your coat.

Mark Herrmann spent 17 years as a partner at a leading international law firm and is now deputy general counsel at a large international company. He is the author of The Curmudgeon’s Guide to Practicing Law and Drug and Device Product Liability Litigation Strategy (affiliate links). You can reach him by email at [email protected].

Topics

Biglaw, In-House Counsel, Mark Herrmann