Wisconsin Congressman Busts AG Garland’s Balls About Naked Bike Ride In Madison

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(Photo by Brendan Smialowski / AFP) (Photo by BRENDAN SMIALOWSKI/AFP via Getty Images)

Attorney General Merrick Garland faced a lot of stupid questions at this morning’s House Judiciary Committee hearing. He was criticized for not firing the Trump-appointed special counsel who supposedly went easy on Hunter Biden by indicting him. He was accused of lying about former Oath Keeper Ray Epps, who was falsely accused of being a federal informant sent to rile up the mob on January 6. He was dressed down for pointing on that he was not the attorney general before January 20, 2021.

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But this was the most surreally idiotic moment by far.

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Tom Tiffany is laser focused on the biggest problems facing Wisconsin residents pic.twitter.com/FpzZoBoe5r

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) September 20, 2023

“There was a World Naked Bike Ride in Madison, Wisconsin just a couple months ago,” Rep. Tom Tiffany (R-Never Naked, WI) huffed, apparently incensed at the clothing-optional outing to protest fossil fuels and support body positivity.

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“I sent you a letter two months ago asking if you had a problem with that,” he went on, holding up two fingers like a very angry toddler accused of a potty-training mishap. “Do you think that’s a problem? And why did you not answer our letter from two months ago?”

For his part, the AG looked extremely confused to be yelled at about a child supposedly exposed to nude bike riders, not to say discomfited at the thought of the … mechanics of such an outing.

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“Sounds like you’re asking a question about state and local law enforcement. We get hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of letters,” Garland said, grimacing at the stinky toddler shouting at him. “I’ll ask the Office of Legislative Affairs where that is.”

“State and local law enforcement would not act, we were hoping you would,” the Congressman sneered, without explaining exactly which federal equity is at stake when a bunch of Midwesterners decide to risk saddle sores and sunburn in the June heat.

“It’s obvious you’re not. I yield,” Tiffany finished, in what he clearly thought was a mike drop moment.

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And the Republic was SAVED.

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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore where she writes about law and politics and appears on the Opening Arguments podcast.

Topics

Department of Justice, Government, Merrick Garland